A different summer

 Sitting on the 21 of July I was a bundle of emotions. Things have changed so much over the past few days. I intended to write this post earlier but then....

Well so this is how the story goes. I submitted my assignment on the 21 st and was informed  that I would get some feedback by the next day. It was a day filled with trepidation. I received no feedback. Which I felt was all right because it is not easy to evaluate a submission for a technical role at senior level. Also the evaluators would have their regular day job to  manage as well. Wednesday I had the phone on the highest ring volume and waited. It was also the day the kids started their summer holidays. K, I and the kids had plans to goto an indoor jump park to burn some calories. We were getting ready and the phone rang! Well, thank God it was nt just got news, it was amazing news. I had done quite well in the tech test. They wanted to schedule the next round. I was mostly available since I was not doing anything useful at my current place. The interview was scheduled for the next week Monday. 

I spent the Thursday preparing. Friday was a play date for both the kids. It was a good day with both being busy with their friends. It was also quite enjoyable for me since without much workload it was the first time I was able to host a play date. My parents came over from my sisters house that evening so it was a lovely full house. 

I had my interview on Monday and by the evening I got the information that I had secured the role! It was just amazing to land with the job which would be more my cup of tea. I had to inform the other place that I would not be joining them. It was to be quite an unpleasant conversation but something which had to be done. I prayed for the reason to just tumble out and not burn any bridges or be supremely uncomfortable. Thankfully it somehow segued into the realm of personal circumstances where I was looking for a more stressful free and less demanding role. Again by the grace of God the recruiter went away with the reason without challenging me much.

That door was nice and firmly closed. Now I was relaxed. Though I had to take a pay cut I was happy with the role and the company. Sometimes it is for the greater good. 

There were 3 more official days at my firm. I was itching to send my last day at work email 😂 

I was having a time of my life with the summer holidays though. There was no work to bother about. I was doing some light reading to keep pace with the changes in technology. There were long walks with the kids. There was a lot of time spent playing board games. There was a lot of video gaming as well. The schedules are messed. Kids would be up till 11pm and I was hitting the bed after midnight. It was exhilarating. Something I would never have done with work. I wasn't on holiday but I had no work. It was the most amazing 2 weeks. 

Finally we got to the 31st of July which was my last working day with my organisation. I informed the people I had worked closely with. It was amazing to get the good luck wishes from my wonderful colleagues. It was an official end to a chapter. A very weird chapter. I was being paid a lot and had a lot of perks. But I never had challenging work. I had good work life balance but then there were some funny characters to deal with. I had unlimited leave but then each day wasn't worth much. It was funny. I had no reason to leave and no reason to stay. It was a limbo. And finally push came to shove and I had to leave. An unceremonious leave. But hopefully all for good 

Topsy turvy

 Things are never super duper smooth sailing for me. Such is my luck. If things can go wrong, they do go wrong. 

So I was at risk of redundancy in my current firm. I started looking for a new role and managed to get one as well. I handed in my notice to my current company. It came as no surprise to my manager since all of us were at risk. There were no hard feelings and he was super supportive and was looking at an early release if needed. I was looking for a release on the 15th of August so that I could start in my new place on the 18th of August. I would work till the 31st of July and then take two weeks from 1st August to 15th August as holiday and join on the 18th.  I made this clear to my new place. The recruiter wanted to understand the full timeline. And I made it clear what my plans were and how I was negotiating a release. Once they were made aware, they started pushing for an earlier joining date. My initial offer letter had 11th August as the joining date. This was subject to change. Since they were now aware of my where abouts (for which I was totally to be blamed for divulging in total naiveté) they were insistent that I join them ASAP. 4th August to be precise.

I had no plans for the 2 weeks of holidays. But I needed that break. I wanted to spend the time unencumbered with my kids since it was summer break too. I did not want to be bogged by new work, access requests, getting laptops set up and a million other things that come with joining a new place. The recruiter was insistent in calling and texting and getting in touch with me regarding an early release date. I am not very comfortable dealing with such scenarios. I can take a full on technical issue and deal with it through sleepless nights, but I cant deal with people who tick me off in the wrong way. I was getting very annoyed with his constant calls pestering me for an earlier joining date. At the end of it I just lost it. I wasnt keen on entertaining such ignorant arrogant people. Maybe he had his reasons(which wasnt made clear to me). Maybe there was no ulterior motive but they just wanted to get things started very quickly. But it didnt sit right with me. So I started my look out for jobs again. 

I had an interview which had gone quite well and there was a tech test which was pending. I reached out to the contact and asked if I could restart my application. She was very welcoming and was at once willing to get going on my application. She passed on the test. It was very daunting and quite a complicated test. I spent an entire evening panicking over it. I had to look up tutorials because it had been a few years since I had done work in the particular technology. I started on Wednesday(16th July)  and kept a mental time frame of finishing it all by the weekend. It was 5 days worth of work where I toiled hard to present my best foot forward. Sunday evening I submitted my work. In the meanwhile, on Thursday I got confirmation that I was ok to join on the 18th of August. 

There were too many things up in the air for my sanity. I felt I was very reactionary in hind sight. I felt as if I need not have negotiated for an early release in my current firm, since I was loosing the chance of literally getting paid for doing nothing. This again didn't feel good for the work ethics part of me. But this was the genuine state of affairs. There was no compulsion to do any work for any of us since we were all at risk of redundancy. We were allowed to devote all our time for preparation for our next roles where ever they might be. Many of my colleagues had taken this route till the year end to start looking in the new year. They were taking the time to relax and up-skill themselves. It is not a mindset I can live with, but looking back perhaps this should have been my approach after all. One learning for the future me. Sometimes it is good to take time to react. Though honestly I am not sure how successful I will be in removing the impulsive part of me who likes to dive in and take action as soon as there is a stimulus. 

Sitting on the 21st of July things seem in a lot of flux. There was a moment last week where I was tempted to rescind my resignation. I was so daunted by the tech test, that I simply wanted to withdraw it and sit here till December to see how things pan out. But within 5 days or so, I have managed to submit my test. I will hear from them tomorrow. I have another initial round scheduled for tomorrow. The kids holidays start tomorrow which means a bit relaxed when it comes to schedules but a bit more chaos in terms food and general lay of the house. If some other offer happens in the midst of this, I am also dreading a very uncomfortable conversation to withdraw myself from the position with my future employer. I have no idea what is going to happen. I have no idea what is good and what isn't. I just have to wait and bat it out 🤞

The journey and the destination

 I am very lucky when it comes to my family touchwood. They just swoop down and encompass me in this blanket of love and caring that I just feel immune to any worries and woes. Thats what happened over the weekend. My mom flew down and took over all the chores in the house like ironing the clothes, cleaning up and all the peripheral activities. My sister took over the kitchen. Papa engaged in light talk about the England vs India test series and cleaned up the garden with me. Their very presence, the light hearted conversations lets me leave my worries and  cares and bask in this true love.

The interviews started lining up. My diary started getting filled up. I will be honest, there definitely was a big plus in officially trying for a job. There was liberty of using any sort of work resources to help one find their next employment. I made a calendar of all the initial conversations that were scheduled for me. When I started talking with all these people, looking to hire someone like me, I loved it. There was a thrill in putting my best foot forward and show-casing all I knew. There was a challenge in thinking on the spot and coming up with answers. There was a sense of achievement in the feeling that I had given my best. The adrenaline was back again, in proper fight mode. I had been scared and been hiding behind a cushy job which I claimed I could do in my sleep. The benefits and the flexibility made me further chained to the mundane and drab work. This was the jolt I finally felt glad for. Maybe it was God's plan to get me out of a rut (since I did not realise I was in a rut in the first place) and get me moving and excelling. 

The interviews I had were brilliant. They were all amazing people who wanted to assess someone instead of putting someone through a gruelling test. I loved the whole process. There was one company which was progressing at quite a rapid pace. They were very keen to have me on board. I had an initial conversation with their CCO who went on to schedule a face to face technical interview. Post the interview, within a day they were happy to give me an offer. There were a few more conversations in the pipeline. But that I had an offer was terribly reassuring. I let the news out to people who had been worried for me. The fact that after the dreadful news, when everything seemed gloom and doom, with news of the awful market and what not, it was amazing to end up having an offer, to have options, to have the excitement of moving on!

Silver linnigs

 After the news was dealt there was a flurry of activity in our organisation. People started posting questions. People started putting forth openings that they came across. People started really helping each other. There was such wonderful camaraderie amongst all those who had been impacted by the news. There was also immense support online on various forums, especially LinkedIn. That annoying site for once was filled with genuine concern from ex-employees who were reaching out to people at risk. Since the organisation is quite big, the news was quite widespread. I had friends and ex-colleagues who were sharing links of openings or taking my resume for referral. It was so heart warming to witness this overflow of good will.

I started receiving calls from recruiters and companies since I had pretty much carpet bombed my resume. I had interviews lined up for the next week, for all the days. It made me feel really optimistic that all this would turn out for the good. There definitely was light at the end of this tunnel. 

Day 3 post impact

 The next day was a bit funny. We resumed our normal ceremonies at work which includes the morning status call. Most of the people who had been impacted sounded as if they had cried through the night. Our manager who was "safe" went through the motions as normal. He was totally tone deaf and went on through all the updates if 50% of his team wasnt at the risk of redundancy. I felt totally disengaged from everything. It was not something I was ok with. I had been through redundancy cycle in another organization. It is something that happens, there is no lie in it. But the way it was being dealt out in my current place seemed very inhumane. There was just a 30 minutes call to tell nearly 500 people who belonged to our location, that your job is not longer relevant as of December. It was a news being dealt to a large number of people in one fell swoop, where people were being treated as mere numbers. I was definitely not ok with it. So I was totally disconnected from what ever was happening. 

I had received an email the previous evening scheduling an initial conversation with another organization. I was quite excited for it. In the past 3 years here, I had been casually looking at roles. But I was very casual about. I applied to a role that looked good enough, not reading too much. I was of course not receiving much calls. So I was under the impression that the market was not looking good at all, and it would be super hard to secure a role. So when I got a call from a company for an initial conversation it gave me hope. At least my dear resume had landed on someone's desk and they approved of it and had decided to give me a call. The meeting was in the afternoon, and since I was finding it hard to concentrate on anything, I decided to take a long walk. 

It was nice and relaxing to go on the walk in the lovely cloudy weather, listening to an audio book. There are small joys even if everything seems gloom and doom. I came back from the walk and got on with the meeting. The conversation was very informal and she confirmed that I would be put forth for the next round. It boosted my confidence immensely. It gave me a positivity and something to look forward to. There was a certain joy in actively preparing for another role and not being pestered to do ones day job. 

Evening I started preparing technical interviews. I also started looking for companies and applying to them directly. It was hard work, but there was an element of single minded focus. I had to forge ahead. I had to move on.  

It sinks in

 Day 2 at work was a flurry. There were back to back calls giving more details regarding the rationale of the move, the next steps and the way forward. There were channels created at work which were abuzz with rants, suggestions, advice and everything in between. While all this was going on I had my personal way of dealing with it. Taking the logical step, I started applying earnestly. I went through various options, started looking at linked in and started applying with which ever role looked suitable.

I asked all I knew to refer me to any openings that came forward. It seemed like hell had broken loose. It was a very scary scenario to be in. K and I started looking at finances and when funds would start to run dry in case I did not end up with a job. I technically have till end of this year in my current organisation with a probably decent payout since I was being made redundant. I did not want to rest on my laurels though. I decided that for my career it would be way more beneficial if I moved on and started working at a new place, learning new things. The environment at work was pretty dry and listless as well. No one in the team seemed to have any enthusiasm to work. Everyone was mulling over their scenario. K and I went to the gym during lunch to take our minds off the impending worries. Once back, since there was nothing tangible for me to progress I took it slow. I did not even bother to keep the laptop on. Seeing me move around from room to room aimlessly, K hovered around to give assurance. I joked "I am loosing my job, you better keep working to retain yours" To which K replied, "Trust me I do not envy you at all".

Once it was time for the kids to return, life kicked in as usual. It was awesome to have them chatter about their day and fill the house with their random banter. It really kicked in some life in the house. In the evening I received a call from a consultant who said he was recruiting for a role. And small world, the hiring manager was someone I had worked with before. It was a dazzling ray of hope to hear those words and I put forth my application in the speed of light. The day had started pretty murky with the office calls painting our careers in darkness but then it had taken a positive turn by the evening. 

To take a negative turn again!! At night when I tried to get on to LinkedIn, I was blocked. It was as if my world had come crashing down! How was I to function, how was I to apply for roles, what was going to happen! It seemed like the absolute end of the world. And again the water works started. K tried his best to console me. We did the necessary steps recommended to verify me. He raised a support ticket since only a logged in person can raise it! It was a bit manic. But then there is only so much one can at 0030 hours. There was a normal school day coming up and I decided to cry myself to bed :|

The news

 The past week has been tumultuous to say the least. Out of the blue on Tuesday morning there was an invite to a call at 11 at work. There was some speculation about what the call might be about, but there was a general undercurrent that there would be some bad news. We geared up and joined in the call and as expected the news wasnt good. All who had been invited to the call were "at risk". This means by the end of the year there was a chance that a good number of us would not be having a job at the current organisation. 

I am not in love with the job. But, I do it with full diligence and with utmost sincerity. Thats how I have functioned over the last 21 years. I have been through probable redundancy cycle in previous organisations. But this news, the way it was merely read out and for me personally the unexpetedness of it, took me by a total surprise. I started crying. Literally big blobs of tears started flowing and I was in shell shock. The first stage is denial when faced with anything new isnt it. 

After I had composed myself a bit, I got on with the usual task of having lunch. K and I went on a long walk to take our minds off it. Then of course I had to speak to my parents and my sister. My parents were super supportive. There was not an iota of worry or anxiety from them. My sister went straight to the second stage and got angry :D She was really disappointed with the shoddy treatment of our company. On hindsight there are some things that only happen to others isnt it. We dont think they will ever happen to us :) till they do :)

After some conversation, there was time to take action. Got my resume prepped up. I did not have a linkedin account and that is the place to be if someone is looking for jobs. So got that sorted. (Further details on that later) Told everyone I could that my job was under jeopardy and to keep an eye for anything that might come their way. 

Once the kids came in, I had to break the news to them. I told it with as much indifference as I could muster. My exact words were "Mummy will be loosing her job so please do the tasks I ask you to do when I do. Dont make me repeat stuff because that might make me very cross and then we will all be cross with each other" The girls were a bit shocked. But then they kept any questions they might have under wraps and got on with the task of getting ready for bed.

Kids wrapped up, I again felt the weightlessness of the whole scenario. It was a daunting world. There were so many thoughts in my head. I could go on to my dream career of being a teacher, I could try something new, I would get a better option or worse still I could end up being jobless. There were so many ifs and buts and my 2 page CV swimming in the big bad world. 

PS. I am writing this in real time. So I will be posting updates as and when they happen. *fingers crossed* the posts will end up with something positive